Oh boy, the Mitchell Report!

The Mitchell Report. Whoopdee fucking doo. I read the whole thing, all 400+ pages of it.
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I read the whole thing, all 400+ pages of it.

Here’s what the estimated $25M paid to Mitchell and his law firm gets you:

• A few dozen names to wring your hands over and throw a Fake Moral Outrage fit over.
• Conclusions and recommendations anyone with any common sense could gather from the media reports over the last several years.
• A couple more reasons to think Roger Clemens is a giant douche.
• More than you ever wanted to know about Larry Bigbie.
• A homo-erotic “thank you” note from Paul Lo Duca to his dealer.

That’s it. That’s the list.

I can’t even begin to fathom how many newspaper pages, web columns, radio hours and TV segments are going to be spent lamenting Baseball’s latest fall from grace. These people have been fucked up for over 100 years:

• Fixed World Series
• Institutionalized racism
• Coke problems
• Collusion
• Work Stoppages

And I’m supposed to get all wistful and teary eyed because FP Santangelo let a dude shoot him in the ass with a dope needle?

Shawn Merriman got suspended for a quarter of the NFL season for using steroids last year. Where’s the outrage? Where are the congressional threats? Where’s the former Senator to spend a bunch of money to tell us that 350 lb men that run 4.5 40’s must be doing it on something other than vitamins and prayers?

I honestly feel sorry for anyone who is moved to any sort of feeling other than apathy at this whole baseball steroid nonsense. Schadenfruede’s ok too.

When do pitchers and catchers report?