Dear NFL . . .

When you're crushed to see Rex go down, you know you're watching a shitty game.


All this NFL Network nonsense has to stop. So, the NFL wants to put NFLN on basic cable, Time Warner and other cable providers want to put it on a separate tier, blah blah blah.

I didn't really care about any of this, because I have NFL Network. But my tune has changed after watching the first half of this Bears-Redskins game.
Comcast, please pull NFL Network immediately. This is fucking painful.

I was excited for these Thursday night games. With the writers strike, we're without any new episodes of Ugly Betty The Office or 30 Rock, so here I am thinking that football is the perfect void-filler. I was rewarded last week during the Cowboys-Packers game (and if you missed it, stop your bitching. There are bars wherever you live).

But now I'm subjected to this shit. There's at least inherent comedy in watching Sexy Rexy play the position. Instead, we now have Griese throwing picks like Grossman without the fun of him heaving bombs even Berrian and Hester can't catch up to. (And I don't care if he was a senior; this guy started over the Dreamboat at Michigan. You've got to be shitting me.)

And then Campbell goes out, so we have Todd Collins (also known as the poor man's Damon Huard), who was also efficiently bland at Michigan.

And of course we have the dulcet tones of Bryant Gumbel. Christ. He's confused Ladell Betts for Chris Cooley twice already. But then again he confuses himself for a Caucasian all the time. Nice fucking scarf and reading glasses. Why not have a harpist in the booth with you to complete the effect? Maybe fire Collinsworth and make Garrison Keillor your color analyst while we're at it?

But it's the NFL, and I can't not watch, so the only option is to pull it from my cable.

Oooh, did you hear that Comcast? Goodell just told Eisen and Deion that you don't have the BALLS to pull NFLN off of the Sports Tier. You gonna take that shit?

Oh, snap! What's that, Comcast and Time Warner? Goodell's mom was running the slalom with both of your wangs? Get the fuck out of here! Yeah, I hear that about the clown suit too. She's nasty.